Know Your Worth

When it comes to dating, I have a lot to say. I’ve had my share of dating men that God did not intend for me to be with. If you’ve read my book, then you already know what I went through in the past with toxic relationships. I thought that the man I was involved with years ago was going to be my husband. With thinking that, I settled for a lot of things I knew wasn’t right and things that made me forget who I was. I had little to no confidence and even suffered from depression. I thought I needed a man to be happy. Instead of pursuing after God, I was pursing after a relationship, even when God told me that wasn’t the man for me. Thank God for healing and restoration!
 
Since being healed from depression and low self-esteem, God has given me a platform to share my story with other women. So this week, we will talk about self-worth and remembering who we are in Christ. I love my men, but this week this blog post is dedicated to all the women!
 
Ladies, it is important to remember that while we’re on this journey of being godly women and following the ways of the Lord, that we remember to never settle for less than what we deserve. I see this to many times when I’m giving advice to my girlfriends about someone they may be involved with. If you don’t remember a single thing I tell you, please remember this:
 
If he wants to be with you, he will show you. You won’t have to second guess a single thing. His actions will be clear and you will have a peace of mind about it.
 
If you’re involved with someone that never picks up the phone to ask how your day was, if they are acting as if they are single on social media, can go a day without speaking to you, or only hits you up for sex…RUN TO THE NEAREST EXIT! It’s time to let him go sis.
 
You may be saying, “But Tyrah he’s busy”. I’m sorry but I’m a firm believer that no matter how busy a person may be, they can at least send a text and communicate that they’re busy. Period.
 
I heard Sarah Jakes Roberts say on her podcast, “Your insecurity is bait for someone to take advantage of you”. NO LIES DETECTED Auntie Sarah!
 
Ladies, if you’re not secure within yourself, some men play off of that. Some men love to play games and they know who they can play games with and who they can’t. Have you ever been with a man that apologizes for doing something you didn’t like but continues to do the same thing? They’ll do right for a couple of days but the cycle repeats itself? Yeah, he’s playing games and knows he can get away with it because you, my dear sis, keep allowing it to happen.
 
Love is a beautiful thing, but at what expense will it cost you your peace? Would you rather have a peace of mind being single or crying your eyes out trying to figure out why your dude won’t act right? Would you rather spend your time practicing self-love or going through the same cycles hoping it will get better when you know that it never will. Is he really your man to begin with? Is this someone God intended for you? If not, be frozen and let it go. These are the questions you have to ask yourself.
 
While we’re on the subject, let’s talk about sex. Sex can cloud our judgement. Now, I’m not telling you what to do with your body, but what I will say is be careful. When we have sex or any form of intimacy, we are creating soul ties. Everything that person does starts to affect you. You ever wondered why? Maybe it’s because sex is involved. (I say maybe because I’m still a virgin but I almost lost my virginity because I thought it would make things better). I was very sad during my toxic relationship years but I truly believe if I added sex to the equation, then I would’ve felt worse.
 
You may say, “I can have sex without having feelings”. That may be true for some but I honestly believe that is simply not true for a lot of women, no matter how hard you try to sound. Sex was created by God so of course it’s beautiful, but He meant it for marriage. So if you’re having sex with a person but there are still toxic traits still occurring, maybe you should try taking sex out of the equation. A lot of people joke around about being sprung over the “you know what”, but that’s nothing to play about. If you’re allowing things to go unresolved or continuing to get hurt just because that person is good in bed, then that’s a serious issue. That is addiction and insanity.
 
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalms 139:14).
 
Ladies, you are QUEENS. Start believing it and act like one. You don’t have to settle for less in a relationship. I know the feeling in wanting to be loved and appreciated, but understand this: God’s love is all you need. His love never fails us. His love is everyday all day. You will never have to second guess God’s love for you.
 
Now this part applies to both men and women. Please know that if you don’t have self-worth and self-love, there will always be a void in your heart. No man, woman or substance, will ever be able to fill in that void. If you’re mental health isn’t right, do not go into a relationship messed up. Allow yourself to heal. Pray for discernment so that when the next person comes along, you’ll know from the start if that person is even worth your time.
 
If you’re single, use that extra time to seek God and his plans for you. Use this time to work on things that may be toxic about you, so that you won’t enter into your next relationship with those same toxic traits. I pray for my husband all the time and I’m not even dating anyone right now. If you're dating, pray and ask God is this the relationship for you. Date with purpose. Are the both of you equally yoked? Go to God in prayer.
 
But whatever you do, know your worth. Know who you are. Your identity doesn’t come from man or woman. It comes from our Creator.
 
Love, Tyrah